So, Henry (age 8) asks me about the Human Centipede
- Henry: I've wanted to know what it is for a YEAR. A YEAR.
- Me: You don't want to know. I wish I didn't know.
- Henry: I need to know.
- Me: Fine. This guy kidnaps these people and then sews their mouths to each other's buttholes.
- Henry: (pulls a really weird face, I've never seen this face on him) What? What do you mean? That guy is crazy.
- Me: He has three people. The ones with the mouths on the buttholes eat the poop until they die.
- Henry: You've seen this.
- Me: No. Gross.
- Henry: Okay, so if there are 3 guys then what guy would you want to be? I'd want to be the first guy.
- Me: Me too.
- Henry: It sounds like a comedy.
Transfer me to the Internet, Please.
- Female customer on Phone: I'd like to buy tickets online for tomorrow.
- Me: Sure! You can get them through Brownpapertickets.com!
- Customer: Can you transfer me?
- Me: I cannot transfer you to the Internet, Miss, but I can give you their phone number if you'd like!
Going Biblical during a phone call with a customer just now...
- Elderly Woman calling my job on the phone just now: "What's your name?"
- Me: Jacob
- Her: WHat?
- Me: Jacob
- Her: Chris?
- Me: No... I don't know where you got THAT from... it's Jacob... son of Isaac, grandson of Abraham, father of Jacob. I'm the guy who wrestled the angel and became Israel.
- She got it after that